Friday, December 29, 2006


Happy New Year!!!
I'm so hyped for 2007.
I'll be 30 in OCTOBER!! (Yeah 30!)
What cha know about that?!
Wisdom youngins!
I can feel the greatness of 2007.
Boom, Pow, Surprise...OHHHHHHH!!!!

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Sell Out, Sucka, HYPOCRITE...

Sad but true, I am all of the above!!!
I posted a couple of months ago that I will never get on Myspace because I am too old!
Well I did it!
Straight up Sucka that I am!!!
Actually it wasn't my fault I will blame it on my favorite cousins-CoCo & Big Dave.
See I used to check up on them through "the space".
You can actually look at peoples pages without having one yourself.
Then those fools set there pages to private!
What the hell!!!!!
Over the Christmas break they informed me that it was "tough Love".
Damn them!
But it worked!
And now IM officially on the space.
It is like crack!

I'll hook everyone up with the link when it is hooked up.

In the meantime check out my home girl Adrienne's blog:
We go way back to the North Central Days.
One day when my silly self gets a new digital camera I too will have pics...

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


I am not a mother, and don't plan on being one anytime soon,
but, I often wonder how people with several children
establish close relationships with each child.
My paternal grandmother had 11 children and from the looks of
things she didn't do such a great job of having close relationships with
all of them.
She had favorites, and it showed.

My Mother had 2 kids, and growing up I didn't feel like she had a favorite.
And she cultivated a close relationship with us both.
According to preminision & psychics I am having 3 kids! (woo-hoo!!)
I am really happy about that but I wonder will I be able to be close to all of them.
Will I have personal jokes and other stuff with them.
I hope so!
I know it'll take work, but I'm up for the challenge-1 day!

Friday, December 15, 2006

New York, New York...

Yesterday, I found myself smack dab in the middle of Times Square.
As a New Yorker, I don't like Times Square.
Especially in December when there are 10 million tourist in your way.
But on the flip, I looked at Times Square through tourist eyes.
It was lovely!
I adored it!
All shiny and Christmasy and in major anticipation of Dec 31, 2006.

Tuesday, I was invited to "Radio City's Christmas Spectacular" featuring the Rockettes.
I had never been in all the time I have lived here.
It was AMAZING!!!
I love Christmas and it is the most over the top, wonderful Christmas celebrations that I have ever experienced!
They even do a "live nativity".
It is fantastic!!!!

Sometimes I just love this City!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


Hey people,
I know it has been a while but I'm working on my 1 woman show and that takes alot of my writing time!
Anyhoo I borrowwed this from I thought it was cute!

So, here's how it works:1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

Opening Credits: Dancewitme-Maxwell
(I am just beside myself that Max randomly ended up on my list!)
Waking Up: You know that I love you-Donnel Jones
(This song would get me out of bed)
First Day at School: Imagination-Floetry
(I love floetry but I don't know this song-must listen)
Falling In Love: Friend of God-Isreal & New Breed
(How ironic that my falling in love song is gospel-my man would have 2 b a "Friend of God")
Fight Song: Always in my Head-India.Arie
(This proves that I am not a fighter-this song is baout music always on her mind)
Breaking Up: Me and those Dreaming Eyes of Mine-D'Angelo
(Am I breaking up because another guy sang this song 2 me and I'm getting with him?)
Prom: Love's Lines, Angles & Rhymes-5th Dimension
(This song is so fab but it doesnt fit any prom theme to me)
Life: Groove With You-Isley Brothers
(Ok-I'll take it. I like love songs to be my life theme!)

Mental Breakdown: Call Me-Al Green
(Makes sense if I'm having the breakdown due to the fact that my boo and I are in trouble)

Driving: Hot Fun in the Summer Time-Sly & the Family Stone
(Perfect fit! A great groove)
Flashback: One and Only-Mariah Carey & Twista
(??????? This one doesn't fit)
Wedding: Next Lifetime-Erykah Badu
(I guess I'm letting those other brothas know "I know I'm alot of woman but enough to divide the pie" Cool with me!)
Birth of Child: Can I get A-Jay Z
(This is the most randomess cracked out thing!)
Final Battle: The Perculator-Cajmere
(Got to be a "u got served" typed battle cause this is a party song!)
Death Scene:Take it From Here-Justin Timberlake
(God will "take it from here" at this point)
Funeral Song: Ordianry World-Aurora featuring Naimee Coleman
????? Club song from Europe-go figure)
End Credit: Your Love is King- Sade
(Thats my girl Any song by here would be cool to end it on!)

Friday, December 01, 2006

More great QUOTES:

"The Glory of GOD is the human being fully ALIVE"

"Life is a banquet, and some of you fools are starving!"-Josephine Baker
(I am not trying to starve, okaaay)

"But no one is going to take notice of me unless I put myself out there
and risk everything for what i truly believe in.
And they still might not take notice after it is all said and done.
But I will have done it!"- Kimberly Wetherwell
Self Love...

Yesterday proved to be a great day of television.
And not due to my normal Thursday line up of Ugly Betty, The Office, & Greys Anatomy.
It all started with Oprah...
The show focused on Ellen Burnstyn who wrote a book that I really want to read called
"Lessons in Becoming Myself".
She talked alot about her experiences. But after the break different celebs would discuss
the lessons they have learned in discovering themselves.
Which is an ongoning process, since we evolve.
Actress Kimberly Elise said that once she let go of fear.
The whole world opened up to her.

Everyone, I mean everyone talked about self love.
And not giving away your power to men.

Later that evening I watched "iconoclast" on Sundance.
The featured guests were Maya Angelou and Dave Chapelle.
I knew that this was going to be an amazing meeting of the minds.
I totally respect Dave Chapelle.
He had to do what was best for him.
He had to have personal integrity.
Of Course Dr. Angelou commended him on that.
She has had such a full life.
She took risks.
She did things that other people only dream about.
And she did so many things.
Kind of like me.

Maya Angelou spoke about African Americans coming from such strong stock, and how we are so important.
Everyone is important.
It was really cool and I wouldn't have known about it if it wasn't for my black celebrity blogs that I read everyday!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Good Times...

The Turkey Day Weekend started off with fun times at the airport.
I found out the day before that I was on the same flight as the Uncle.
I offered to meet him at his apartment but he insisted that I would make
him late, so I took the bus.
I arrived before him.
The cool thing is that it was the day before Thanksgiving-the most traveled holiday of the year in the U S of A, and it wasn't overly crowded.
No super long lines coupled with excessive waiting time.
I pretty much zipped in and out.

I started to browse the book store.
I love bookstores!
I have wanted read a Ruth Reichel book, ever since Deb from
raved about her.
Well low and behold there was the Ruth Reichel book "Garlic and Saphires", about her journey as restaurant critic of the New York Times.
(great read if you are into that type of thing)

I was pleased as punch as I found a spot and dug into my book.
It was so good.
Then my cell phone rang knocking me out of my book coma.
It was The Uncle telling me to try to get on an earlier flight.

So I put my book away.
And started to make my way to the hostess stand when the phone rang again.
The Uncle told me to forget about it, the plane was sold out.

The Uncle finally showed up and decided that he wanted to tell me that we
were going to be delayed for hours.
He then proceeded to annoy the hostess by asking questions like
"Where was our flight coming from?"
"Has it left its current destination?"

I on the other hand stayed in my seat and tried to read.
He continues his negative talk about us never getting home.
I had to remind him that I don't have faith in him, so I knew that I was getting home.
It got so bad at one point he said "I'm sure you wish I would stop talking and read my book"
"But that would never happen"

Needless to say we boarded the plane only 45 minutes later than we were scheduled.
Not bad for the day before Thanksgiving.

**I did have a great time with The Uncle. He works hard and is usually in work mode
but he was a load of fun all weekend!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

I'm so THANKFUL...

On this Thanksgiving Day 2006 I am thankful for the following:

God's love & grace


Early Christmas gifts

My health

Unexpected opportunities

The internet

The red headed aunt & co



All of my NY cousins

Self love

The abundance and love of the Universe

Food Network


New York City

Democrats running congress

Happy feet teaching kids to take care of the environment


Writing ability


Dr. Oz

My WDW group


KSD & her organizational abilities


the future
the present

Monday, November 20, 2006

100 things to do before love...

I just stumbled on this amazing blog that this lady put together.
It covers 100 things that she wants to accomplish before she falls in love, again.
I thought this was awesome.
As a culture we seem to think we need to do things in pairs.
That singles don't really enjoy life.
They are secretly just waiting to go from me to we.
I am a complete person.
I am the perfect manifestation of God!
All by my beautiful black self!
Now when me and my destined do hook up we will be two amazing individuals choosing to create a new life together.
So I'm trying to come up with 100 things that I need to do by my single self before my man gets here:
(in no particular order)
1. Attend Shakepeare in the Park
2. Go see Rocky Horror Picture Show sing along at midnight
3. Take 200 pictures on a digital camera.
4. Add pictures to my blog
5. Travel alone
6. Wear a wig for a day
7. Host a dinner party
8. Read poetry everyday for 2 weeks
9. Change hair color
10. Grow out my natural hair
11. Buy a pair of Manolo Blaniks
12. Get a nose earring
13. Audition for at least 10 things
14. Write my own monologue or short
15. Go on a date from a personal ad or a web dating service.
16. Go on a date with some one non black
17. Bake bread from scratch
18. Get paid for doing something creative.
19. Rollerskate down the westside highway.
20. Go to the Whitney, Moma & Brooklyn museum of Art.
21. Learn to say "I love you" in 5 different languages
22. Make soup from scratch
23. Learn to make homemade pie crust
24. Rent 10 movie classics that I have never seen
25. Read all of August Wilsons plays
26. Rent 5 musicals that I have never seen
27. Rent 5 foreign films that I haven't seen.
28. See every movie nominated for "best picture" academy award.
29. In Manhattan walk from East end to West end.
30 Take a professional picture with my New York cousins.
31.Take voice lessons
32. Become a yoga fanatic
33.Mediate for 10 minutes daily
34.Travel Europe-especially Italy & France! I am a wanna be fracophile.
35. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge
36. Write hand written letters to friends and family. Mail them out!
37. Find a signature stationary.
38. Find a signature scent.
39.Try a new exotic cheese every week.
40. Make a complete Rachel Ray 30 minute meal in 30 mintues!
41. Sing at a Karyoke bar.
42. Drive from New York to LA

If you can think of anything leave it in the comments!

Friday, November 17, 2006

Blessed to have...

I am spoiled!
I know this, but I'm ok with it.
My family still spoils me & I know I will find a husband that spoils me too.
All that to say that I will be going home for Thanksgiving!
The mother says that God blessed us because we didn't murmur or complain about me not being able to afford a ticket home.
I refused to beg the father because he has been going through enough of his own problems.
The mother bought a ticket for Labor Day so I couldn't complain.
Then over the weekend, the Uncle asked me if I wanted to go home, but I didn't want to beg.
I was going to enjoy 4 whole days to myself, with movies out, movies in, food and sleep!

I was actually looking forward to it.
Moosh was devastated.
She wanted me to call the Uncle and ask for an early Christmas present.
I refused.
At that point I'm sure she got on her knees and begged for the Almighty to make a way for me
to come home.

I have been watching the Food Network like crazy!
Its "Season's Eating" time.
So I had picked the dishes I would make for myself.
I was excitited.
Then I got an e-mail asking what day did I want to fly home.
Then a confirmation on a ticket that read "Enjoy your early Christmas gift"
I'm going home!!!
Buddha if you are reading this, I wanted to surprise you!
Don't tell anyone its a surprise!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

My worst food experience ever...

Over the weekend I was back in my dear old Bed-Stuy neighborhood.
I actually walked past my old brownstone!
I also walked past the infamous bodega of the neighborhood.
I caught a memory:

May 2002
I was in the mood for poptarts for a snack.
I galloped down the 3 flights of stairs and around the corner to the bodega.
I searched the dirty crowded isles.
They didn't have "poptarts" but they had "toaster treats".

**The bodega, like any other NYC bodega, was gross.
I only normally buy drinks or chips from there.
Never food!
Needless to say my poptart craving was strong!**

So I grabbed the toaster treats, paid, and went on my merry way home.
I opened the box and got to the individual packaged pop tart.
I took a bite and thought they tasted really stale.

I turned the poptart over and it had little maggots coming out of it!
I thought I was going to die!
Please believe I never got food out of that Bodega again!!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

God keeps blessing me with these good quotes...

"In his heart man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps"-Proverbs 16:19

I'm so on a journey.
I'm traveling to a better me!
Nobody told me the road would be easy but I breathe life into my situation.
I say amazing affirmations everyday.
I am committed to work hard.
I will work through fear.

As my girl Corrine Bailey Rae says-
"Your going to find yourself someway somehow"

Monday, November 13, 2006

So Simple...

I just read the quote that "Things don't change, we do".
I thought how remarkable!
Yet so simple.
Sometimes we outgrow people or places.
(Don't get nervous about London KSD!)
Sometimes we outgrow our old selves.

I respect my old self.
I needed her at the time that I had her.
She protected me when I needed to hide from the world the best that I could.
But all the while "she" had built up protective forces around me,
The new "Sunshine" was was growing inside.
The old me had no idea.
But God knew and He has helped me see the Light.
He is so amazing and loves me so much.
It is quite beautiful!
The way a Father loves his daughter!

Your birth parents may feel like,
"Geez you are 29, its time we stop nurturing you. Stop being there for you so you can stand on your own."
If they don't let you go they figure you will never grow.
It isn't that way with your Spiritual Father.
He is always there for you.
There are things that I 've prayed for that he is making a way.
In ways that I never expected.
He has opened my eyes to unexpected resources, that have been in front of me.

Things don't change we do.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Fantastical Quote of the Day /year:

"The Universe conspires with one to let their dreams be realised. HOWEVER one must have unbridled passion in their journey toward achievement."

Unbridled Passion=Hard Work
Fantastical quote of the Day...

The Universe conspires with one to let their dreams be realized, however,
one must have an unbridled passion in their journey toward achievement.

Unbridled passion= hard work!!
Float, Float On...

My soul is out here in this place we call Earth floating.
Growing, learning, loving,laughing, living.
His soul is out there doing the same.
I believe that we chose to come back around the same time to spend part of this life together.
We have been together before, in the words of India Arie:

"Its almost like I knew this man from another life,
like back then maybe I was his husband and maybe he
was my wife"
I read another blog where this chick was saying it blows her mind the way she clicks with her husband.
Then his blog talked about how no one had ever really "gotten" him until he met his wife.
I thought that was cool.
I totally respected that.

One day our souls will collide.
And what a beautiful collision it will be.
To recognize the Divine in another human and have them recognize it in you.
Sunshine has so many different rays, as I do aspects of my personality.
So does he...
and I pray that I am open enough to love and honor all sides of them.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down...

Its raining in the NYC.
Lots of rain.
I just want to crawl into my bed.
Watch TV or movies.
Dream about the life I want.
One of the therapist called me back today!
God willing I will be out of this rut.
Bear with me, my people!
I'm still the SUNSHINE!!!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Maxwell & Myspace & Jealousy...

I'm a huge Maxwell fan.
I always liked his music, but my BFF Mai loved him & his music.
We went to his concert in Indy in 1999 and my love became real.
I was head over heels!
I'm constantly reading stuff about him online.
I'm on his fan pages.
And I found out that he has a myspace page.
I check it daily.
Even though I'm anti-myspace.
But I can't help checking up on him!

And check up on him I do.
He actually responds to some of his serious fans.
They chat with him!
My heart hurts behind that!

I mean Teddy Riley married a chick he met on Myspace.
I mean they are now getting a divorce but none the less they got married.
I think I'm really nuts over the whole thing because a pyschic told me that my
husband will be mixed black and something else-Asian, Puerto Rican, Indian, etc.
So I've convinced myself that Maxwell is my husband to be.
And I'm not even jealous of Camille the girl he is always taking to public events.
I tell you I am a lil' touched!

Friday, November 03, 2006

If 50 is the new 30 then 30 is the new...

I'm newly 29 and feel every bit "16" but not in a good way.
There are several things I thought I'd have by 30:
Career I love

I have none of the above (yet).
So if it true that 50 is the new 30 and 40 is the new 20 then 30 is the new 10.
So I'm not that messed up then!
I'm looking into moving to London in 2007 or early 2008.
I feel like I need a fresh start.
But I want to do London BIG.
I want to be the cool and sassy American.
I don't know if I should go to Grad school there , I really don't want to study.
Or get a job, but I would want it to be fab!
None of this run of the mill boring stuff that I do here in NYC.

I'm nervous about not being around my family and friends.
But I could make it.
Plus a psychic once told me that I was going to be in London or New York, and later move to LA.
Maybe she was right...

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Salty, sour, dilly...

I love all things salty!
When I say I love sour, I don't mean the "super sour" candies of this new generation.
I mean sour cream.
I love dill pickles over sweet pickles.
I detest sweet pickles.
The mother loves them.
I love real mayo.
I hate Miracle Whip.
To the point that if I am making a sandwich and all you have is Miracle Whip then I wont eat.
The mother loves Miracle Whip.
I grew up on Miracle Whip.
In high school at a friends house I discovered, Mayo.
Hellaman's to be exact.
It was so good.
Total perfection.
I grew up thinking that I hated coleslaw.
It was always made with Miracle Whip and very sweet.
(The mother probably added sugar to it, because she adds a spoonful of sugar to everything.
She cringes when Emeril adds a dash of salt to the peach cobbler mixture.)

The redheaded Aunt always makes coleslaw in the summer.
I told her I hated coleslaw but tried hers after I watched her add scallions, fresh lemon juice, garlic, and Hellmans Mayo to the shreded cabbage.
it was wonderful!
The opposite of Sugar Slaw.
So I know love redheaded Aunt's cole slaw.
I want some...

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Mean Mamma...

I already know that I will be a strict mother.
I believe in discipline & well mannered children.
I believe in bed times.
I believe in respect.

I had a mean mamma and I still love her!

If you ask KSD she will tell you that she made me go to bed when the sun was still out.
The brother and I had a very strict bed time of 8pm every night.
Unless it was Thursday and the Cosbys were on or a special like Charlie Browns "Great Pumpkin" was on the television.

She didn't allow back talk and you couldn't question her authority.
We never asked "why not?" when she told us we couldn't do something.
That would unleash her rath and you didn't want to unleash her rath!

She demanded respect.
We said "yes mam & no sir".
We would get an open hand smack in the mouth for saying "yeah" when we were called.
My mothers friends loved being around us because we were so well mannered.
I remember one account where the brother and I were in the back seat of the car and the mother was having a conversation with her friend in the front seat.
The brother said "Excuse me, Mommy"
The mother replied "In a minute I'm talking"
After about 10 minute the mothers friend said "you never answered your son!"
The mother then apologized to the brother and answered his question.

This was typical.
The mother wasn't into bratty children who demanded attention or sulked because they couldn't have their way.
I think parents need to realize that you are raising children that will grow into adults.
They will be in the workforce one day.
If they are used to you catering to every whim how will they adjust to a boss who says "NO!".

I feel very grounded because the mother set boundaries.
I knew that I couldn't run over her.
She had control of our home, because that was her job.
She didn't take no mess and I think it made me a better person.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006


This evening I will spend this ghoulishly fun night with Juicy J, Snickers & the red headed Aunt.
I am so hyped! It seems like so much fun!
I haven't gone "trick o'treating" in years.
Hopefully next year I will be invited to a Costume Party!
Or better yet KSD and I will be planning one for our business!!!

I need a laptop.
I am a Microsoft kinda of girl but a complete sucker for good marketing & advertising.
So Apple has gotten me!
There commercials are so funny, and there ad in the Instyle really sold me.
I can make mini movies and all kind of fun stuff.
It cost more than say a Dell but would be worth it!
So I will have to relearn how to use a computer by learning a MAC.
Oh well...

Monday, October 30, 2006

Time to grow up...

I have decide to embark upon a career.
I found a job at the Food Network that I am applying for in the Marketing Department.

It looks fab!
Now don't get sad, I love acting.
I couldn't ever totally leave it but I have to make money.
I am sick of doing jobs that pay nothing wishing that my big acting break will come through.

I could go into teaching.
That is what my degree is in and I'm good at it.
If all else fails that is what I will do.
I am a little reluctant because I have to get certified and that involves lots of test.
I don't like test.

So I am off to the library to score some "how to write an awesome cover letter" books.
I'm hoping that will get me in the door.
My amazing personality will get me the job.
The resume is a little shaky due to years of temping, but I've got mad skillz man!
Hopefully the cool people at Food Network will notice.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Memories of the J.C. Penny Catalog...

Around this time, every year you could find the brother and myself
stretched out on out brown shag carpet, joyusly flipping through the beloved
J.C. Penny Catolog.
For Hours!
It was thick, shiny and arrived in our greedy hands only once a year.
We would immediatly flip to the back to the toys.

They had everything, from bikes to games.
They even divided the book into girl toys and boy toys.
The brother and I would drool over all of the things we wanted.
We would then bust out a pen or magic marker and circle our favs.
It was the best.

Then that magical morning of December 25th would arrive and we would have a fantastic
display of toys spilling out from under the tree in our livingroom.(One time my parents oddly decided to put the tree in the basement-but that is another story)
Several of the items were from the fantabulos JC Penny Catolog.

I believed in Santa until 4th grade when Andy N. & Clay W. told me that he didn't exist.
I was sad but I had heard the rumors that he was fake for a while so it wasn't a total shock.
But my parents went above and beyond with the Christmas thing, which was fab and made for great memories!
We had everything from a real tree, to lights, to carols playing on the stereo, stockings hung, an over abundance of -oranges, Christmas candy including candy canes, christmas cookies, and Mr. Magoos Christmas!!!!

As an adult I wondered how my parents bought the presents, hid them, & then snuck in the gifts on Christmas Eve, because I was up before the sun on Christmas morning and I couldn't sleep the night before.
Plus I was super secretive about my list to Santa.
I would write it out and seal it in an envelope and then we would take it downtown to the main Post Office where they had a cool mailbox that went straight to the North Pole.
How did my parents find out what I wanted.

Then I was told the secret.
That JC Penny Catolog was planted by my mother!
She would just go and by the things we circled!
Smart Cookie the mother is!

I have learned from the best and when it is time for my childrens Christmas-
I haven't seen a JC Penny catalog in over 15 years!
Do they even make them?!
I think I have time to work on a scheme!

Friday, October 13, 2006

Stare o'Shame...

I was riding the "6" train on my way to babysit for Baby Safiyah, when I noticed the woman sitting next to me touching her face and getting very close to her nose.

I went into stare mode.
I wanted to shame her into not picking her nose on a public train.
I wanted her to know that she was not being sneaky, that I saw her, in plain view!
And that she was nasty!

I also stared to make sure she wasn't trying to itch her nose.
That has happened to all of us.
Your nose is itching like crazy, and you need to scratch it but you don't want to make
it seem like you are digging for gold!

So I continued to stare as her fingers did a slow drag near her nostrils.
But she didn't do it.
Thank God.
Because I probably would have had to move my seat and I was quite comfy.

I was trying to figure out why the stare mode works or where I even got it from.
I realize that it is a mother technique.
If you were out in public and started doing something foolish then your mother
would stare you down.
And you knew to stop because you were caught and were going to get your butt beat later.

So maybe the girl on the train had the same kinda of mother & realized I had caught her
with my stare, so she stopped.

The worst is when I pull out my stare and it doesn't work.
I live in Jackson Heights, Queens which is a major mix of Asian, Middle Eastern, Columbian, & Dominican peoples. (needless to say I am one of the few African-American chicks at my train stop)
One day on the "F" train this man was diggin for gold in his nose.
I pulle dout my stare and nothing.
He kept on digging and flicking his boogers!
I then pulled out my mean black mama, don't make me come over there gaze.
He kept right on digging!
I don't get it!
Maybe the stare is cultural to America because the girl on the "6" train was Caucasian.

KSD noticed that I like to "parent" children and people.
Maybe that is it.
I guess some other people would just turn away or move seats, where as I bring out the STARE!

Thursday, October 12, 2006


I have dreams and passions.
Things that I want to do with my life.
I want to:
work in event planning (eventually open my own event planning business with KSD)
write the script for my short
loose 80 lbs
get a new apartment
pay off my bills/get out of debt
Live my life like its golden!

But for some reason I get stalled and overwhelmed.
I do nothing.
I get nervous and ask myself: can I really do these things? Do I have the resources?
But I've started to realize that GOD has given me talents.

God Given talents:
I really like working and interacting with people.
I enjoy cooking and think I am pretty good at it. I am even interested in studying to get better.
I have a great smile.
I honestly love customer service! I enjoy giving the customer what they need and even showing them options that they never considered.
I like to write.
I love to laugh, and think I have a great sense of humor.
I love children and interacting and working with them.

For the past couple of weeks I've been watching Christian TV in the morning.
I need the extra support & foundation to make it through my day.
This morning Zachery Tims said that God puts us through set backs and test so we can get ready for the BIG test.
he gave the example of David & Goliath.
David, while protecting his sheep, was faced with a lion and a bear. (2 separate occasions)
He managed to kill both animals.
When his people needed someone to slay Goliath, David remembered that God had helped him kill the other 2 animals, so he knew it wouldn't be a problem to kill Goliath.
So God had created situations where David trusted God & himself. He developed FAITH.
I have to remember things that God brought me through in the past.
HE isn't going to leave me now.

It just is scary and makes me uneasy because I am always thinking what if I put in tons of effort and it doesn't work.
Then what do I have.
Maybe I had something in the past that I put a lot of effort into and came up short.
But I keep coming up with good things that I worked hard at:

When I was on academic probation in Undergrad & then worked hard & made the Deans List every semester there after.

When I totally submitted to God's Plan & lost 70 lbs.

I have to come up with some others but those 2 were big for me!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Things that I want to put out into the Universe...

1.) I want a job where I love to go to work everyday! Where I have fun and work with fair, honest, good, hard working people. I also want to make good money=enough money that I can go on vacations, indulge in entertainment, have a savings that I don't need to dip into & still pay my bills on time!

2.) I want to get out of debt.

3.) I want to erase clutter from my life and actually enjoy doing it.

4.) I want my "Boaz" to come for me when he & I are both ready!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Transition Sista'....

I am thinking about going on my natural journey, again.

I haven't had a relaxer in a couple of months, and honestly I love the way my new growth makes really cool waves when I pull my hair back.
I like it so much that I feel like it is way better than straight hair.
Then I remembered how fly YA YA would wear her natural hair on America's Next Top Model.

I went through this in January 2005. I was going through a major transition in my personal life and felt that my relaxed hair was dull and listless. So I cut it all off.
I rocked a "TWA" for about 7 months, but it just wasn't me.
I love glamour and I wasn't getting what I needed from my hair so I relaxed it and have been happy about that choice.

Until my new growth started to come in.

This time would be different because I would "transition" into my natural hair.
Leaving in my permed ends but allowing new growth to come in.
And then gradually cutting out the permed hair until I have my natural hair at a decent
length for styles.
I plan on transitioning for a year, but I think its worth it.

Thursday, October 05, 2006


I just want to say that I hate everyone at my job!

I hate almost everybody, and I just wish my damn period would start!

Dumb Ass Bitches!

(Hopefully Aunt Flow will come visit soon, and this will all be over)

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


Today is the 3rd of October, and the day SUNSHINE was born!
How amazing & delightful that is!
My wonderful mother loves to retell the story of my birth starting with the night before.
And I love hearing it! She remembers so many details-like how when her water broke (despite her doctors orders) she refused to go directly to the hospital with out a shower. (If you know my mother you aren't shocked)

I've gotten great birthday wishes, cards and even a few gifts!
I am blessed with so much love!

My godfather/Uncle in Atlanta called and recounted the first time that he saw me.
It was the sweetest story and I don't think that I had ever heard it, and being my mothers brother he remembered details like the yellow ribbon my mother had put in my hair!
It was the sweetest most endearing thing!

Enjoy the day, I will!

Monday, October 02, 2006


Tomorrow is my 29th birthday!
I am super excitied!

But as I get older my face has changed.
I was blessed with clear skin on my face.
I have had horrible boughts of eczema since I was little but my face was always clear.
Even as a teen, I never really had the "horrible" acne stage, until now.

Its totally gross! My face is broken out!
And it always is conected to my PMS.
I can literally wipe oil off of my forehead!
It is sick!
I've gone to the dermetologist so I'm sure it will clear up and other people who truly
have suffered from acne are probably wanting to straight up smack me, but it is
a problem for me. A minor problem with a solution but a problem none the less!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Control Freak...

I have never considered myself a control freak. Never.
I am a worker bee.
Give me a task and I will do it.
I generally don't like to be in charge.
Until I decided to have a birthday party.
This is going to be a little fete.
Game night with about 8 people.
No big deal, until I decided I wanted to have a tablescape...
I watch to much "semi-home made" on Food network and the old show from Style network
called "your invited".
Both shows, give detailed descriptions of how to throw a cool azz party for cheap.
And I also came across an "In-Style Party Guide" book.
So I'm totally wrapped into throwing my own b-day party.

The Red Headed Aunt insisted on buying me a cake.
(I was going to make it)
But I am making the food and decorating.
A couple people have given suggestions on what I should serve but this is my b-day
not theirs.
I'm serving good finger food.
But no pigs in a blanket.
I don't like it and never have, even as a kid.
So get over it.

I'm actually having fun planning this.
I really don't want anyone to blindly surprise me with a bridal or baby shower.
I would want to be totally involved in the planning process.
That is control freakish behavior.

But I don't feel bad if the only thing I'm control freakish about are parties that I'm throwing!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Too Damn Old...

Myspace is a new cultural phenomon.
Generation "Y" is all into it.
My cousins want me to set up an account, since it is a super simple way to keep in touch
with people.

I thought about it.

I've come to the conclusion that I am too old to have a myspace account!
I am damn near 30!
How do I look having people younger than my brother requesting to be my "friend".

I am a firm believer in "age appropriate".
A couple years ago I went to a popular club in NYC.
One guy and I were dancing on the dance floor and he started trying to holler.
I asked him his age and he exclaimed "21".
I was taken aback!
I'm a grown ass woman-I like to get my groove on with the "Grown & Sexy" crowd.

Needless to say, I never went back to that club.
If a club isn't 25 and over I probably won't go.

I'll be 29 in a matter of weeks and I'm hyped!
I was raised by a woman who felt like she didn't get any sense until 40.
I like getting older and I'm blessed to come up in a era where 50 is the new 30.
Its so true.
I just saw some pics of Stacy Dash who is 40 and she looks every bit as good as she did in Clueless.
My red headed Aunt is totally fab!
I wish I had half of her clothes and she is my age! (hee hee)

Look, I know my limits and some things are left to the 20 somethings and the teens.
I truly believe that Myspace is one of them!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Slips n'Trips...

I admit it, I am clumsy! I will fall or stumble at the drop of a hat.
In my dating days (I'm on a long break) I would wear my really high heels
and inform the lucky fella that I would be clutching on to him for dear life
for the rest of the night...(They liked it)

I've been this way for as long as I can remember and NYC doesn't help
with its cracked sidewalks and slippery man hole covers.

I usually spend most of my time looking at the ground so I'll notice if the sidewalk has a dent in it the size of that great hole in Arizona.
But I've gotten cocky...
I haven't fallen in public in a couple of months, so I haven't been looking at the ground.
I've been taking in this great city.
And then it happened (and I knew it would)
I toppled...Yesterday.
Not a fall exactly.
I was in front of Dylan's candy bar minding my own biz noticing how azure the sky was
and my left foot flipped on its side.
I was able to catch myself & let out a loud chuckle that let all of the passer bys know that I
was alright.

But I was embarrassed, I always am when I fall.

And It doesn't matter my size, or the height of my heel.
Hell, yesterday I had on flats!

Monday, September 18, 2006

Help da' children...

Hello everyone! I haven't posted in a while. I've been distracted looking for a new job, walking on my treadmill, trying to eat smaller portions, going to the dentist....

But alas I had a good weekend! I hung out with Kimmy, shopped, put my match maker skills to use, realized that I may have pyschic ability or super strong intuition, saw Zack Braff in "the Last Kiss" (it was great), and had some damn good banana ice cream.

I also attended Sorority Mtg. in Harlem- if you want to know the scoop call me.

My Sundays always consist of "Flavor of Love" and "The Wire".
The Wire is tearing me up because they are focusing on how children end up being in the drug game.
These inner city kids have it bad!
So I've decided to help out.
I'm going to join the Big Sister Program.
My meeting is on Thursday and I'm super excited!
If I can influence one person!

Monday, September 11, 2006

National Holiday...

It is September 11, 2006. 5 years after the attack on the World Trade Center.
Every radio station, tv channel, newspaper, & any other media outlet is focusing on the event.

Survivors recount their stories, and I cry.
They show footage of the Towers collapsing, and I cry.
They show the fireman and policemen that lost so many people, and I cry.
I have to turn the radio station and listen to Gospel music on my Ipod!
It is too sad!

If the media is going to rehash every detail like this then I need a day off from work.
A national holiday.
I can't be expected to order supplies, track down the cheapest hotel rates in midtown, and connect conference calls through tears! (I know you wish you had my glamorous job)
I can't focus!
I need to be at home in my bed with some hot coco and a tissue box having a silent tribute.
(And I should get paid for it)

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

My Philosophy...

I found this poem by Georgina Goodman in a magazine. This is how I want to live out my life! Enjoy:

Love is our Freedom
Work is our play
Creativity is our passion
collaboration is our psychology
Joy is our emotion
Soul is our Boundary
Family is our culture
Balance is our creed
Inspiration is our guide
Being is our vision...

Friday, September 01, 2006

Friends...How many of us Have them?

I never had trouble making friends.
I am pretty agreeable, funny, and have a big smile.
I always had a "click" of girlfriends.
I always had a "best" friend:

Kindergarten/First grade: KSD
Second-I truly don't remember
Fourth/Fifth-Dawn Brown
Middle School-Tish Jefferson
9th Grade-Ebony WB & KSD
10th-12th: Ebony, KSD & Adri
College: Moni D, Moosh, & KSD
Adult Life in NYC-Moosh, Marl, & Matt, later-KSD-and other people who I'd hang out with.

Current-All of my Best buds have moved away or we have fallen out.

This is really hard for me!

I have always had someone that I can hang out with at all times!
It truly started when Moosh moved in September 2005.
We have known each other since highschool, but through dating 2 guys that were best friends we really got close.
My life plan was to move to NYC to pursue my acting career, when I finished undergrad.
Her plan was to become a psychologist, and to my glee she was accepted to Grad school in Queens!
So once again we were together, navigating the single life in NYC.
We had a ball. We had crazy experiences, so many that we all ways joke that we should write a book about "dating in the NYC".
We always had each others backs and it was great.
Then she moved back to Indy...
And my gay husband broke up with me, and Marl hardly ever returns my phone calls, KSD is a new mom, and I'm alone.

But I'm trying not to be sad about it, I'm trying to forge new friendships but it is hard to make friends as an adult!
I do have Kimmy, but I'm sure I drive her nutty!

My mother has come up with a solution that just might work...


So the meeting is on September 9th, where I plan on reactivating and joining committee groups and making I can have a social life again.
Lord please!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

There is no place like home...

2 more days until I am at my mother's house.
Warm and happy, cracking up at my brother.
I adore the Mother and my brother.
They are two wonderful people who make my life here on this nutty earth,
worth living.
They are my rock.
I'm glad that I chose to be with them this time around.
I'm super home sick right now. The way I see it I will be going home the weekend after too.
I need to be with them right now.
To be totally accepted, understood and unconditionally loved.

I'm thanking God in advance for clear weather on Friday, and not a flight delay that LGA is so famous for.
Oral Surgeons, Biopsys, & Cavaties-OH MY!!

I went to the dentist the other day for a normal cleaning and for the dentist to check out the area of my gums that is swollen.
The swollen area is right above a cap that I had placed over a very slim tooth when I was about 10 years old.
(I honestly believe that my tooth was extra slimas a side effect from my fathers drug use)
The cap is tiny and the gum area is huge.
It looks kinda strange but it doesn't hurt.
Actually most people don't notice it, or at least they don't say anything to me about it.

Prior to this appointment, i just assumed that my cap has been irritating my gum causing it to swell.
My dentist, Dr. Cooper, informs me that she thinks I have a granuloma. She explained to me that it is like an overgrowth of cell tissue, and that she wanted me to go the the oral surgeon so that he can do a biopsy of the affected area.
She them proceeds to tell me that i have 3 small cavaties that she wants to fill.

People, I panicked!
I have never had a cavity in 28 almost 29 years.
The mother was fanatical about my brother and I going to the dentist every 6 months.
But that wasn't the real reason for my panic-----
Who was going to pay for this.

If we lived in a country with free health care, I wouldn't care.
You want to cut a section of my puffy gums go ahead.
You need to stick a needle into my molars-no problem.
But damn, if I'm not trying to get a head on my bills and raise my credit score and I have tons of dental work that needs to be done and paid for.
Insurance will cover 80% and I'm still trying to figure out if they cover the Oral Surgeon.


So I leave the dentist office call my mother who is totally calm.
I am freaking out, so much so that I am wandering the city, talking on my cell.
At one point I got disorriented and wasn't sure where I was.
My mother is telling me to calm down it will work out.
I head home and try to sleep.
I wake up and I can't figure out why I'm still freaking out.

Then it hits me...
My mother doesn't live here.
I will have to go to get my biopsy--A-L-O-N-E.
My RN of a mother, who totally takes wonderful care of you when your sick, lives in Indianapolis.
I do have my Uncle here but he has limited bedside manor and would probably be out of town on buisness.

So at 6 am, I call my mother and demand that she explain whats going on with my gums. I felt like she was holding back the truth from fear of me having a full blown anxiety attack!
My brain (with no medical background)had tried to figure it out and came up with this solution:
My swollen gum is the equivalent of finding a lump in your breast!
So needless to say I was shook up.
My mother sternly reminded me that she graduated from a 4 year nursing program from Indiana University and that if she wasn't worried I shouldn't be worried.
Then she sent me this web link-
(Warning:The pics are gross and the only pic that ooks remotely like my gums is the 2nd picture. And my gums are still not as puffy as that)

I felt better but was still nervous about going alone to my appointment.

"DUH! Take the Redheaded Aunt!" stated my mother. (God bless her for dealing with my anxiety)
So I proceeded to call and wake up the Redheaded Aunt, who said it wasn't a problem and even told me that:
She would hold my hand during a pap smear, if I needed her.
Awww, aint that love!

Needless to say I've calmed down.
It isn't the end of the world, and the Queen of Candy-KSD- has even walked me through the steps of getting a cavity filled!

I'll make it after all!

Friday, August 25, 2006

You just ran across my mind...

I've been thinking a lot about my ex.
The one that in all the years I've known him (since '92) never officially became my boyfriend.
We just would date off and on, on and off.
But honestly, he was and I'm sure still is a great guy.
(Just ask Moosh, she still has hope in her heart that we will find our way back to each other)

I liked the fact that I could be sarcastic and not hurt his feelings, hell he was being sarcastic with me!

I liked his quick wit.

I loved his sense of humor. It was the exact same as mine. We would call each other up and say only you would think this was funny and crack up laughing.
I remember one time, after he told me he decided to make another girl his woman, he called me to tell me they were at the movies and this part made him bust up laughing.
He realized he was the only one in the movie theatre laughing and his girl gave him a weird look. He said he wished he had seen it with me because I would have been laughing too.

I liked the way he looked-he had nice teeth and feet both of which are very important to me.

I liked that he had a nick name for me. No one ever has a nick name for me, and I love nick names. They are endearing and they make you feel extra loved.

I liked other things that I won't write in this blog because my family reads it! *smile*


I had to cut him out of my life because I was nutz for him and he had someone else. I tried to just be his "friend" but that didn't go well because my heart would get in the way.
My heart is always getting in the way but I love that about myself.
I love that I love hard.
I just want to be loved that well back. I deserve it and will wait for it for -I know it is in my destiny to come.
It wasn't meant to be.
He just never felt as strongly for me as I did for him.
I know,
because I AM WONDERFUL, but I have to trust the GOD has someone even better.
I mean if I thought this guy was great, my husband will blow my natural mind!

I believe that and trust that, but until he comes I will be feeling like Jill Scott saying-

"I was just thinking about you, wondering what you've been up to..."


When Harry Met Sally...

I've been very uninspired to blog this week.
Blame it on the nut job CEO of my company-who is a big baby but I'll blog about that another day.

Alas, I was reading someone else's blog and she asked the age old question:

Can men and women be friends?

Then I started to question my platonic friendships.
There was T, who I admit when I first met him in 2000, I did have a crush on him.
But to be honest, I always have a crush on someone.
Anyhoo, I always thought we were just platonic friends who went out to dinner occasionally, until one the day he went to a poetry slam with me, my brother, and Moosh.
One of the poets starts to spit about being in love with his friend, and how it just drives him crazy when she talks to him about other guys and how hw wishes she could see how much he loves her.

While this was going on T, stood up and was shouting:
"that's right" and "say that's"
like it was Sunday morning at Mt. Moriah Missionary Baptist.
Then he turned, grabbed the side of my face and planted a juicy kiss on my cheek!
Moosh, my brother, and I had the same bewildered "what the hell just happened"look on our faces.
I was in shock, but the mother was quick to tell me that any fool could tell he liked me.
I was clueless.

I was still clueless when he needed a place to stay and I offered him Moosh/Kim's old bedroom.

You can imagine the drama that ensued when you pair a girl, who is used to living alone or with roommates who totally understand that when your door is closed it means you need alone time, with a guy that likes said girl but has never told her.

So needless to say all hell broke lose and he said a lot of :
"You never spend time with me, you are always in your room with your door shut talking to your friends"

I said a lot of:
"We aren't a couple we don't have to share everything and have every moment together"

There was way more to our fight but needless to say our friendship is over.

I can't think of any guys that I'm just friends with that aren't gay.

And even my old gay buddy once asked me if we would be together if he was straight.

Oh, I do have one but he is married and we only get together to discuss acting stuff so I wouldn't really call it a friendship.

Do you guys have friendships with the opposite sex?
*and I mean friends-never kissed or held hands or hanging on until he leaves his crazy girlfriend-true friends

KSD all of the guys you were friends with all liked you so they don't count!