My Prayer...

Is to love myself as much as God does.
I'm working on it.
I have a lot of preconceived notions about the way things should be.
I used to believe I have to have A, B, & C before I can even start certain processes.
But I'm moving past that.
Sometimes you just work with what God is blessing you with right now.
Right now= the present.
Not what I strive to have 6 months from now but right now.
I let my weight stand in the way of my acting career.
I am just as talented as if I was 50 lbs smaller.
Somewhere along the line I got the message that I wasn't lovable heavy.
But I am erasing that thinking.
Planting new seeds of thought:
I am lovable just as I am.
I am still Gods child.
I am still caring, funny, nice, interesting, talented, silly...

2006 will not be missed...
2007 is my year. It is my time! To be the best me. It all starts this weekend when KSD helps me organize...
I took this survey( I heart these) from errinhaines.com:

1. what did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?
Catered my birthday party & loved it.
2. did you keep your new year’s resolution?
I don't remember my resolutions from 2005.
3. did someone close to you give birth?
Yes-Yeah for Safiyah she is beautiful!!
4. did anyone close to you die? Yes-RIP Uncle Nicky
5. what countries did you visit? I stayed stateside all year-sad!
6. what would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? Organization, abundance of money, romantic love,acting jobs
7. what date from 2006 will forever remain in your memory? July 21
8. what is your biggest achievement in 2006?
Getting a therapist
9. what was your biggest failure?
not auditioning
10. did you suffer illness or injury?
migranes and cramps-someone find a cure for both
11. what’s the best thing you bought?
hmmmm
12. whose behavior merited celebration?
hmmmmm
13. who’s behavior appalled/depressed you?
kramer
14. where did most of your money go?
Old Navy, WHole Foods
15. what did you get really excited about?
Safiyah
16. what songs will always remind you of 2006?
Laffy Taffy
17. compared with last year are you:happier or sadder?
Happier-I've accepted the loss of a friendship.
18. what do you wish you’d done more of?
Excercise, yoga, dance
19. what do you wish you’d done less of?
overeat
20. how did you spend christmas?
With my family in Indy. Including my favorite cousins "Big Dave & Coco"
21. did you fall in love in 2006?
I fell more in love with myself
22. how many one night stands?
0
23. favorite tv program?
Greys Anatomy
24. do you hate anyone new?
Hate is such a strong word! I dislike someone new that I thought was a friend until I let him move in...
25. best book you read?

26. greatest musical discovery?
Corrine Bailey Rae
27. what did you want and get? laptop
28. what did you want and not get?
Astology reading from Faith
29. favorite film of the year?
The Departed

AWW YEAH, COME ON 2007...

Happy New Year!!!
I'm so hyped for 2007.
I'll be 30 in OCTOBER!! (Yeah 30!)
What cha know about that?!
Wisdom youngins!
I can feel the greatness of 2007.
Boom, Pow, Surprise...OHHHHHHH!!!!

Sell Out, Sucka, HYPOCRITE...

Sad but true, I am all of the above!!!
I posted a couple of months ago that I will never get on Myspace because I am too old!
Well I did it!
Straight up Sucka that I am!!!
Actually it wasn't my fault I will blame it on my favorite cousins-CoCo & Big Dave.
See I used to check up on them through "the space".
You can actually look at peoples pages without having one yourself.
Then those fools set there pages to private!
What the hell!!!!!
Over the Christmas break they informed me that it was "tough Love".
Damn them!
But it worked!
And now IM officially on the space.
It is like crack!


I'll hook everyone up with the link when it is hooked up.

In the meantime check out my home girl Adrienne's blog:http://www.rasdawtanoir.com/
We go way back to the North Central Days.
One day when my silly self gets a new digital camera I too will have pics...

Multiples...

I am not a mother, and don't plan on being one anytime soon,
but, I often wonder how people with several children
establish close relationships with each child.
My paternal grandmother had 11 children and from the looks of
things she didn't do such a great job of having close relationships with
all of them.
She had favorites, and it showed.

My Mother had 2 kids, and growing up I didn't feel like she had a favorite.
And she cultivated a close relationship with us both.
According to preminision & psychics I am having 3 kids! (woo-hoo!!)
I am really happy about that but I wonder will I be able to be close to all of them.
Will I have personal jokes and other stuff with them.
I hope so!
I know it'll take work, but I'm up for the challenge-1 day!

New York, New York...

Yesterday, I found myself smack dab in the middle of Times Square.
As a New Yorker, I don't like Times Square.
Especially in December when there are 10 million tourist in your way.
But on the flip, I looked at Times Square through tourist eyes.
It was lovely!
I adored it!
All shiny and Christmasy and in major anticipation of Dec 31, 2006.

Tuesday, I was invited to "Radio City's Christmas Spectacular" featuring the Rockettes.
I had never been in all the time I have lived here.
It was AMAZING!!!
I love Christmas and it is the most over the top, wonderful Christmas celebrations that I have ever experienced!
They even do a "live nativity".
It is fantastic!!!!

Sometimes I just love this City!

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT U...

Hey people,
I know it has been a while but I'm working on my 1 woman show and that takes alot of my writing time!
Anyhoo I borrowwed this from erinhaines.com. I thought it was cute!

IF YOUR LIFE WERE A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...


Opening Credits: Dancewitme-Maxwell
(I am just beside myself that Max randomly ended up on my list!)
Waking Up: You know that I love you-Donnel Jones
(This song would get me out of bed)
First Day at School: Imagination-Floetry
(I love floetry but I don't know this song-must listen)
Falling In Love: Friend of God-Isreal & New Breed
(How ironic that my falling in love song is gospel-my man would have 2 b a "Friend of God")
Fight Song: Always in my Head-India.Arie
(This proves that I am not a fighter-this song is baout music always on her mind)
Breaking Up: Me and those Dreaming Eyes of Mine-D'Angelo
(Am I breaking up because another guy sang this song 2 me and I'm getting with him?)
Prom: Love's Lines, Angles & Rhymes-5th Dimension
(This song is so fab but it doesnt fit any prom theme to me)
Life: Groove With You-Isley Brothers
(Ok-I'll take it. I like love songs to be my life theme!)

Mental Breakdown: Call Me-Al Green
(Makes sense if I'm having the breakdown due to the fact that my boo and I are in trouble)

Driving: Hot Fun in the Summer Time-Sly & the Family Stone
(Perfect fit! A great groove)
Flashback: One and Only-Mariah Carey & Twista
(??????? This one doesn't fit)
Wedding: Next Lifetime-Erykah Badu
(I guess I'm letting those other brothas know "I know I'm alot of woman but enough to divide the pie" Cool with me!)
Birth of Child: Can I get A-Jay Z
(This is the most randomess cracked out thing!)
Final Battle: The Perculator-Cajmere
(Got to be a "u got served" typed battle cause this is a party song!)
Death Scene:Take it From Here-Justin Timberlake
(God will "take it from here" at this point)
Funeral Song: Ordianry World-Aurora featuring Naimee Coleman
????? Club song from Europe-go figure)
End Credit: Your Love is King- Sade
(Thats my girl Any song by here would be cool to end it on!)

More great QUOTES:

"The Glory of GOD is the human being fully ALIVE"

"Life is a banquet, and some of you fools are starving!"-Josephine Baker
(I am not trying to starve, okaaay)

"But no one is going to take notice of me unless I put myself out there
and risk everything for what i truly believe in.
And they still might not take notice after it is all said and done.
But I will have done it!"- Kimberly Wetherwell

Self Love...

Yesterday proved to be a great day of television.
And not due to my normal Thursday line up of Ugly Betty, The Office, & Greys Anatomy.
It all started with Oprah...
The show focused on Ellen Burnstyn who wrote a book that I really want to read called
"Lessons in Becoming Myself".
She talked alot about her experiences. But after the break different celebs would discuss
the lessons they have learned in discovering themselves.
Which is an ongoning process, since we evolve.
Actress Kimberly Elise said that once she let go of fear.
The whole world opened up to her.

Everyone, I mean everyone talked about self love.
And not giving away your power to men.

Later that evening I watched "iconoclast" on Sundance.
The featured guests were Maya Angelou and Dave Chapelle.
I knew that this was going to be an amazing meeting of the minds.
I totally respect Dave Chapelle.
He had to do what was best for him.
He had to have personal integrity.
Of Course Dr. Angelou commended him on that.
She has had such a full life.
She took risks.
She did things that other people only dream about.
And she did so many things.
Kind of like me.

Maya Angelou spoke about African Americans coming from such strong stock, and how we are so important.
Everyone is important.
It was really cool and I wouldn't have known about it if it wasn't for my black celebrity blogs that I read everyday!

Good Times...

The Turkey Day Weekend started off with fun times at the airport.
I found out the day before that I was on the same flight as the Uncle.
I offered to meet him at his apartment but he insisted that I would make
him late, so I took the bus.
I arrived before him.
The cool thing is that it was the day before Thanksgiving-the most traveled holiday of the year in the U S of A, and it wasn't overly crowded.
No super long lines coupled with excessive waiting time.
I pretty much zipped in and out.

I started to browse the book store.
I love bookstores!
I have wanted read a Ruth Reichel book, ever since Deb from www.smittenkitchen.com
raved about her.
Well low and behold there was the Ruth Reichel book "Garlic and Saphires", about her journey as restaurant critic of the New York Times.
(great read if you are into that type of thing)

I was pleased as punch as I found a spot and dug into my book.
It was so good.
Then my cell phone rang knocking me out of my book coma.
It was The Uncle telling me to try to get on an earlier flight.

So I put my book away.
And started to make my way to the hostess stand when the phone rang again.
The Uncle told me to forget about it, the plane was sold out.

The Uncle finally showed up and decided that he wanted to tell me that we
were going to be delayed for hours.
He then proceeded to annoy the hostess by asking questions like
"Where was our flight coming from?"
"Has it left its current destination?"

I on the other hand stayed in my seat and tried to read.
He continues his negative talk about us never getting home.
I had to remind him that I don't have faith in him, so I knew that I was getting home.
It got so bad at one point he said "I'm sure you wish I would stop talking and read my book"
"But that would never happen"
Sigh!**

Needless to say we boarded the plane only 45 minutes later than we were scheduled.
Not bad for the day before Thanksgiving.

**I did have a great time with The Uncle. He works hard and is usually in work mode
but he was a load of fun all weekend!

I'm so THANKFUL...

On this Thanksgiving Day 2006 I am thankful for the following:

God's love & grace

Friends

Early Christmas gifts

My health

Unexpected opportunities

The internet

The red headed aunt & co

Julie

Jamma

All of my NY cousins

Self love

The abundance and love of the Universe

Food Network

Blogging

New York City

Democrats running congress

Happy feet teaching kids to take care of the environment

Improv

Writing ability

Ipods

Dr. Oz

My WDW group

imagination

KSD & her organizational abilities

life

the future
the present

100 things to do before love...

I just stumbled on this amazing blog that this lady put together.
It covers 100 things that she wants to accomplish before she falls in love, again.
I thought this was awesome.
As a culture we seem to think we need to do things in pairs.
That singles don't really enjoy life.
They are secretly just waiting to go from me to we.
Well-----
I am a complete person.
I am the perfect manifestation of God!
All by my beautiful black self!
Now when me and my destined do hook up we will be two amazing individuals choosing to create a new life together.
So I'm trying to come up with 100 things that I need to do by my single self before my man gets here:
(in no particular order)
1. Attend Shakepeare in the Park
2. Go see Rocky Horror Picture Show sing along at midnight
3. Take 200 pictures on a digital camera.
4. Add pictures to my blog
5. Travel alone
6. Wear a wig for a day
7. Host a dinner party
8. Read poetry everyday for 2 weeks
9. Change hair color
10. Grow out my natural hair
11. Buy a pair of Manolo Blaniks
12. Get a nose earring
13. Audition for at least 10 things
14. Write my own monologue or short
15. Go on a date from a personal ad or a web dating service.
16. Go on a date with some one non black
17. Bake bread from scratch
18. Get paid for doing something creative.
19. Rollerskate down the westside highway.
20. Go to the Whitney, Moma & Brooklyn museum of Art.
21. Learn to say "I love you" in 5 different languages
22. Make soup from scratch
23. Learn to make homemade pie crust
24. Rent 10 movie classics that I have never seen
25. Read all of August Wilsons plays
26. Rent 5 musicals that I have never seen
27. Rent 5 foreign films that I haven't seen.
28. See every movie nominated for "best picture" academy award.
29. In Manhattan walk from East end to West end.
30 Take a professional picture with my New York cousins.
31.Take voice lessons
32. Become a yoga fanatic
33.Mediate for 10 minutes daily
34.Travel Europe-especially Italy & France! I am a wanna be fracophile.
35. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge
36. Write hand written letters to friends and family. Mail them out!
37. Find a signature stationary.
38. Find a signature scent.
39.Try a new exotic cheese every week.
40. Make a complete Rachel Ray 30 minute meal in 30 mintues!
41. Sing at a Karyoke bar.
42. Drive from New York to LA


If you can think of anything leave it in the comments!

Blessed to have...

I am spoiled!
I know this, but I'm ok with it.
My family still spoils me & I know I will find a husband that spoils me too.
All that to say that I will be going home for Thanksgiving!
The mother says that God blessed us because we didn't murmur or complain about me not being able to afford a ticket home.
I refused to beg the father because he has been going through enough of his own problems.
The mother bought a ticket for Labor Day so I couldn't complain.
Then over the weekend, the Uncle asked me if I wanted to go home, but I didn't want to beg.
I was going to enjoy 4 whole days to myself, with movies out, movies in, food and sleep!

I was actually looking forward to it.
Moosh was devastated.
She wanted me to call the Uncle and ask for an early Christmas present.
I refused.
At that point I'm sure she got on her knees and begged for the Almighty to make a way for me
to come home.

I have been watching the Food Network like crazy!
Its "Season's Eating" time.
So I had picked the dishes I would make for myself.
I was excitited.
Then I got an e-mail asking what day did I want to fly home.
Then a confirmation on a ticket that read "Enjoy your early Christmas gift"
Yay!!!
I'm going home!!!
Buddha if you are reading this, I wanted to surprise you!
Don't tell anyone its a surprise!

My worst food experience ever...

Over the weekend I was back in my dear old Bed-Stuy neighborhood.
I actually walked past my old brownstone!
I also walked past the infamous bodega of the neighborhood.
I caught a memory:

Setting:
May 2002
I was in the mood for poptarts for a snack.
I galloped down the 3 flights of stairs and around the corner to the bodega.
I searched the dirty crowded isles.
They didn't have "poptarts" but they had "toaster treats".

**The bodega, like any other NYC bodega, was gross.
I only normally buy drinks or chips from there.
Never food!
Needless to say my poptart craving was strong!**

So I grabbed the toaster treats, paid, and went on my merry way home.
I opened the box and got to the individual packaged pop tart.
I took a bite and thought they tasted really stale.

I turned the poptart over and it had little maggots coming out of it!
I thought I was going to die!
Please believe I never got food out of that Bodega again!!

God keeps blessing me with these good quotes...

"In his heart man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps"-Proverbs 16:19

I'm so on a journey.
I'm traveling to a better me!
Nobody told me the road would be easy but I breathe life into my situation.
I say amazing affirmations everyday.
I am committed to work hard.
I will work through fear.

As my girl Corrine Bailey Rae says-
"Your going to find yourself someway somehow"

So Simple...

I just read the quote that "Things don't change, we do".
I thought how remarkable!
Yet so simple.
Sometimes we outgrow people or places.
(Don't get nervous about London KSD!)
Sometimes we outgrow our old selves.

I respect my old self.
I needed her at the time that I had her.
She protected me when I needed to hide from the world the best that I could.
But all the while "she" had built up protective forces around me,
The new "Sunshine" was was growing inside.
The old me had no idea.
But God knew and He has helped me see the Light.
He is so amazing and loves me so much.
It is quite beautiful!
The way a Father loves his daughter!

Your birth parents may feel like,
"Geez you are 29, its time we stop nurturing you. Stop being there for you so you can stand on your own."
If they don't let you go they figure you will never grow.
It isn't that way with your Spiritual Father.
He is always there for you.
ALWAYS!
There are things that I 've prayed for that he is making a way.
In ways that I never expected.
He has opened my eyes to unexpected resources, that have been in front of me.

Things don't change we do.

Fantastical Quote of the Day /year:

"The Universe conspires with one to let their dreams be realised. HOWEVER one must have unbridled passion in their journey toward achievement."

Unbridled Passion=Hard Work

Fantastical quote of the Day...


The Universe conspires with one to let their dreams be realized, however,
one must have an unbridled passion in their journey toward achievement.

Unbridled passion= hard work!!

Float, Float On...

My soul is out here in this place we call Earth floating.
Growing, learning, loving,laughing, living.
His soul is out there doing the same.
I believe that we chose to come back around the same time to spend part of this life together.
We have been together before, in the words of India Arie:

"Its almost like I knew this man from another life,
like back then maybe I was his husband and maybe he
was my wife"
I read another blog where this chick was saying it blows her mind the way she clicks with her husband.
Then his blog talked about how no one had ever really "gotten" him until he met his wife.
I thought that was cool.
I totally respected that.

One day our souls will collide.
And what a beautiful collision it will be.
To recognize the Divine in another human and have them recognize it in you.
Sunshine has so many different rays, as I do aspects of my personality.
So does he...
and I pray that I am open enough to love and honor all sides of them.

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down...

Its raining in the NYC.
Lots of rain.
I just want to crawl into my bed.
Watch TV or movies.
Dream about the life I want.
One of the therapist called me back today!
Yeah!
God willing I will be out of this rut.
Bear with me, my people!
I'm still the SUNSHINE!!!